8 years ago
Monday, August 10, 2009
Who is this 24 Carat Indian Politician?
His Capabilities......?
1. Only lived in Capital---- Delhi
2. Only use branded costumes----simple elegant cotton from Raymonds, Park Avenue.
3. Studied abroad on Scholarship....In all capitalist countries with corporate imperialist scholarship aid and assitance--Intelligent student hood.
4. Travelled only in flights & AC coaches--Comfortable Globe Trekker
5. Wooed and Married a beautiful air hostess from filthy rich family--Romantic Socialists
6. Pretented and acted as Marxist communist in Post Modern India- JNU Style intellect.
7. Started as a copy writer of Veteran Communist EMS Nampoothiripadu--Political Struggle.
His Achievements....?
1. Became CPM Polit Bureau Member with no effort.
2. Became CPM All India General Secretery with no effort.
3. Incoporated Wife into CPM Polit Bureau strategically.
4. Denied Prime Ministership to Com. Jyothi Basu by forming young turks group in PB.
5. Subottaged the plan to join the Manmohan cabinet- still dream of central ministry berth.
6. Supported & shook hand with Mrs.Sonia Gandhiwith out any ideology.
7. With drawn the support for UPI with out any cause.
8. Declared Poor Mayavathi as the future Prime Minister and her statues as cabinet ministers.
9. Greeted and Shook hand with Com. J.Jayalalitha for political & ideological support.
10. Belongs to DINK- Double Income No kid Group among urban socialite.
His biggested Credentials...?
1. Never contested an election in the people's democracy---Not even a panchayath election in the village in which he was born.
2. Never formed a trade union or labour movement--- Not even a simple CITU unit.
3. Never successfully lead a strike or done a satyagraha---Capitol celebrity in Page3 4. Only faced TV cameras and reporters---Studio to Studio.
5. Tata & Nano are the need of population- No profit in agriculture and labour hood.
6. Political Friends and Advisors--- Amar Singh, Mulayam, Mayavathi,Jayalalitha, Farooq Abdulla.
7. His proclamtions-All corruption cases are Politically motivated- White Collar Corporate Marxist Idealogue.
Latest Action...?
1. Lead CPM to a complete failure in the Parliment election.
2. Leading CPM to a complete vanishing in Bengal.
3. Expelled Com. V.S. Achuthandan from Polit Bureau of the CPM.
Who is this Gentle man?
1. Only lived in Capital---- Delhi
2. Only use branded costumes----simple elegant cotton from Raymonds, Park Avenue.
3. Studied abroad on Scholarship....In all capitalist countries with corporate imperialist scholarship aid and assitance--Intelligent student hood.
4. Travelled only in flights & AC coaches--Comfortable Globe Trekker
5. Wooed and Married a beautiful air hostess from filthy rich family--Romantic Socialists
6. Pretented and acted as Marxist communist in Post Modern India- JNU Style intellect.
7. Started as a copy writer of Veteran Communist EMS Nampoothiripadu--Political Struggle.
His Achievements....?
1. Became CPM Polit Bureau Member with no effort.
2. Became CPM All India General Secretery with no effort.
3. Incoporated Wife into CPM Polit Bureau strategically.
4. Denied Prime Ministership to Com. Jyothi Basu by forming young turks group in PB.
5. Subottaged the plan to join the Manmohan cabinet- still dream of central ministry berth.
6. Supported & shook hand with Mrs.Sonia Gandhiwith out any ideology.
7. With drawn the support for UPI with out any cause.
8. Declared Poor Mayavathi as the future Prime Minister and her statues as cabinet ministers.
9. Greeted and Shook hand with Com. J.Jayalalitha for political & ideological support.
10. Belongs to DINK- Double Income No kid Group among urban socialite.
His biggested Credentials...?
1. Never contested an election in the people's democracy---Not even a panchayath election in the village in which he was born.
2. Never formed a trade union or labour movement--- Not even a simple CITU unit.
3. Never successfully lead a strike or done a satyagraha---Capitol celebrity in Page3 4. Only faced TV cameras and reporters---Studio to Studio.
5. Tata & Nano are the need of population- No profit in agriculture and labour hood.
6. Political Friends and Advisors--- Amar Singh, Mulayam, Mayavathi,Jayalalitha, Farooq Abdulla.
7. His proclamtions-All corruption cases are Politically motivated- White Collar Corporate Marxist Idealogue.
Latest Action...?
1. Lead CPM to a complete failure in the Parliment election.
2. Leading CPM to a complete vanishing in Bengal.
3. Expelled Com. V.S. Achuthandan from Polit Bureau of the CPM.
Who is this Gentle man?
Lateral Thinking..A nice Story
Once upon a time in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter..
So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her Father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her Father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story.
The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.
The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the girl to do? .... C below!!
Well, here is what she did.....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I Picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his Dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
Moral of the story:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't Attempt to think.
So he proposed a bargain.
He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.
He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her Father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her Father's debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.
They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.
What would you have done if you were the girl?
If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:
1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder over the story.
The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.
The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.
What would you recommend to the girl to do? .... C below!!
Well, here is what she did.....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I Picked."
Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his Dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.
Moral of the story:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't Attempt to think.
Seven Ways to Identify a Liar
1. Consider the person's recall: Liars never forget what they have to say but they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They're also eager to change the subject.
2. Observe the person's overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously.
2. Observe the person's overall body language: Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously.
3.Take notice of any defensiveness: Liars will often take offence to any indication that they're under suspicion. They're likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves
4. Home in on facial expressions: Liars fail to control their micro-expressions. While fibbing, you may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They're particularly good with fake smiles.
5. Don't overlook the Pinocchio reaction: When a human tells a lie, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously.
6. Concentrate on the eyes: A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If the person is telling you the truth, he'll look up and to the left since that's the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she's lying, she'll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she's mentally constructing something that hasn't happened.
Hell to be old !!!!!!
OLD people have problems that you haven't even Considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
(email from friend)
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.'
(email from friend)
How to Spell "MISSISSIPPI"
This example showa what you say can be perceived wrongly:
Two Italian men got into a bus in London . They sat down and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignored them first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of them say the following:
'Emma comes First. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-amore!
Two asses; They come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then Icome one lasta Time.'
The lady could not take this any more. 'You foul-mouthed sex-obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.'
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a Justa tellin my frienda how to spell " MISSISSIPPI "
(Email from Sajivarghesek@gmail.com)
Computer Jokes (English)
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to inquiries, can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".. Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall".
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?" Operator: "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France) "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the Number on".
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn the clock on the computer back two weeks will I have my file back again?"
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute; I hadn't inserted it yet, it's still on my desk, sorry.
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Karen, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: Aaaah....... .......... .....thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
Customer: My new keyboard is not working.. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK! Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes! Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does works...
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it in windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is in a window, and his printer is working fine.."
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P.....on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT
(email from my friend vinodhsiyer@yahoo.co.in)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
